Hey people...
Sorry for the lack of updates... Also, I terribly apologize to those who had me linked. I can't seem to do my template.. Okay.. I won't be blogging a long one today..
Blogging is boring me... It just pains me... Everything pains me... Especially.... How can I get fidzi out of my life when e just acts like a plague? Maybe, someday I will get over him... Someday... A wish that I could ever have is to be in a relationship that would last... But for now, let's just say I have too much on my mind to be in one..
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It's been a while since I last updated this blog...Wasn't feeling too good... THE PAIN...
You never knew when the pain would strike you.
It's never expected.
Deep down, I know it'll hurt..
The emptiness.. The feeling of...
Being HOLLOW...
But I never expected it to be this..
EXCRUCIATING...
I've never updated for the past couple of weeks is mainly due to my VERY busy schedule.
My schedule was filled with rehearsals and stuff that I barely had time for the computer.
Well, I'll leave the emotional part for later.. Just want to update on my days..
Well, I didn't remember mentioning anything about going on stage narrating for my class..
Well, it was the day before yesterday.. The pressure was serious..
The worst case I could think off was running off the stage and burying my head underground.
Well, it didn't happen. I had to seriously braced myself. It was absolutely a miracle.
A miracle for what? A miracle that I managed to go through it without being too frightened.
On the other hand, my school project are piling up. Talking about completing the ETP project.
Comes another project at hand. Now, I'm trying out with other members excluding DYA.
We're working with Abby and Ben Jetro. Well, I hope we'll succeed. We also chose our place of..
INTEREST. Somewhere near Changi. Changi Chapel Museum. Plenty of history to talk about.
World War 2.. Prisoners of War.. Sent abby the backbone of the whole project earlier..
The ETP project.. Hmm.. There ain't no word to describe it... It's not yet to the point of being disastrous.. Well, I kind of actually got Fir to break the group into pairs... So there's 3 pairs. Me and Dya. I find working with her simple because she's... just easy to work with.. We got three or four parts.. 1) Competitive Analysis... The rest I totally forgot... Hmm.. Nevermind.. Shall text Fir as soon as possible... I'm so tired... Gluing the blardy group together but apparently my efforts are not appreciated.. By someone.. Someone who.. Forget it.. Says I deny some one's idea.. At least denying is doing something... But I don't deny.. I improvise the idea to suit the whole concept.. ALL YOU DO IS STARE INTO BLANK SPACE.. NO IDEA CONTRIBUTION... Forget it, I can't stand you but I have to brace myself.. It's useless to actually fight with someone who doesn't even know what's right from what's wrong..
Pain.. Pain... Pain.... The pain goes on indefinitely..
When can it truly leave me?
Not so soon I guess..
T.F.Fidzi... What you're doing really hurts me..
Can't you understand..?
Is it even so hard to understand?
All you got to do is say it out..
Apparently, you're making me stand on the edge..
The pain of knowing the truth the fact the you aren't saying a thing..
Is KILLING ME...
Why? Is it so fun to watch me stand here and wilt?
Is it so much fun to play with me?
Toy with my feelings..
If only you knew..
If only you knew how much pain it caused me..
If only you knew how much tears left my eyes..
If only you knew how it was like standing on the edge despite knowing the truth...
If only you knew..How I wanted to there with you..
If only you knew how I wanted to hear you voice..
If only... It pains me to type these out..
My tears are hot.. Although it is not boiling hot,
I feel it as if it's boiling.. As if It's burning..
I can't allow these tears to flow freely..
If they flow, my heart will continue to bleed.
All I know is that, The MORE I CRY..
The fractured lines on my heart WILL JUST BE WIDEN by that bit..
I pieced it back together after what happened..
Here I am piecing it again.. But I don't have the materials...
I don't have the strength... The strength to press on..
The strength to put on a strong front..
My friends has their problems.. I too have mine.. But I don't want to share..
Why? I know many will ask that..
I only give hints.. Not the full story..
I don't like to bring my private affairs to work or school...
But, now... All I could do is to actually wilt...
My heart is dying.. Not literally...
All I got to ask is...
"Why is he doing this?"
This question has been on my mind since I can remember...
It's been there for too long that it has been burned cruelly in my mind...
But, the question was never answered.
It's painful.. The pain is excruciating..
How can I get rid of it..
I tried prying it out of him but it never worked..
Why is he leaving me on the edge...? Shall stop here.. Feeling the tears filling up my eyes
PS: Tomorrow meeting DYA.. For ETP discussion... Pain........ is THE ONLY reminder of you existing in my life and not leaving.. ONLY leaving a excruciating mark... T.Fir.Fidzi........WHY???
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